Author Archives: Vicky Lee

“Are you excited that I’m going to make chocolate cake tomorrow?”
“Yes! Is it going to be super moist?”
“Um yes I’ll try.”
“I mean moist like if it was a steak, it would be medium rare.”

“Computer, play today’s hits.”
“No! I don’t want to listen to today’s hits!”
“Why not?”
“I want classical music!”
“You want classical music? Why?”
“Because this is A CLASSY CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS DINNER SO I WANT CLASSICAL MUSIC.”
“……..Computer, play 50s big band music.”

“What’s your favorite animal?”
“Panther!”
“Really?”
“Yeah!”
“Why??”
“Because! They’re awesome! It’s like a dog-sized cat that’s black, and they just… *waves hand around* they’re just awesome.”

“Have you ever been horseback riding?”
“Of course I have.”
“When?”
“When I was a kid.”
“When?”
“WHEN I WAS A KID.”
“Yes I know but WHEN?”
“I just told you when I was a f*cking kid!”
“Yes but ‘when I was a kid’ could mean anywhere from when you were 2 all the way to 31.”

“Love you!”
“Love you too.”
“Sometimes I don’t love you though.”
“What percent of time is that?”
“Hmm, 2%.”
“So 2 percent of the time you don’t love me.”
“Yeah. What percent of time do you not love me?”
“1.9%. So clearly I love you more.”

“Why did you come in here?”
“Because you were quiet so I wanted to see what you were doing.”
“Am I a child that you need to check up on?!”
“Yep.”