Sam and I are discussing adopting this one-eyed sweetheart cat from the shelter.

“If we get her, I’m renaming her Emeowy Dickinson.”
“With 1 eye, she needs a pirate name. Like Captain Blacktail, or Dread Pirate Mowberts.”
“She’s a girl though.”
“So, girls can’t have pirate names? Way to set back women’s rights babe.”

“Maya scratched me.  It’s actually a pretty deep scratch.”
“Ew, let me see.”
“See?” *shows the back of his leg*
“Ouch.  At least it’s not bleeding.”
“No, just stings a bit.”
“Do you want to put anything on it?”
“Just you, baby.”
“I’m not sure that would help.”
“But you make me feel good in other places that would help me take my mind off it… LIKE MY HEART.”

“I see why you changed your shirt.  You’re trying to match your shoes.”
“Exactly.  So I look better.”
“You are so vain.”
“I’m not vain.  I’m just.. I want to be conscious of what I look like.  I’m very attentive to the image I project when I leave this house.”

“How predictable am I?  On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most predictable.”
“8.  You’re pretty predictable.”
“8?  What’s the other 2?”
“Your sudden movements.”