“Do I just wear any shirt under this sweater?”
“Yeah, just wear one of your Uniqlo undershirts or something.”
“Uniqlo??”
“.. yeah?”
“UNIQLO?”
“Okay fine. Lululemon.”
“My wife doesn’t even know me anymore. We’re drifting apart.”

*sneezes*
“Ooookayyy…”
“What, are we at the stage in our marriage where you don’t even say ‘bless you’??”
“Do Chinese people say anything after you sneeze?”
“…”
“There. We’re at the stage in our marriage where we start adopting Chinese customs.”
“…”
“Wo ai ni!”

“You’re boring and predictable.”
“Okay so if you’re saying that, then you no longer ever need to ask me questions to clarify anything. You should be able to read my mind.”
“No, your actions are boring and predictable. Your thoughts are chaotic.”

“I should be a life coach.”
“I don’t know that ‘coach’ is the right word.”
“What? Why?”
“More like life ‘sergeant.’ Or like life ‘drill instructor.’”

“Okay let’s go a little meta here. What is my role in our relationship?”
“Husband?”
“Correct. And what are you?”
“Wife.”
“Yes. And what power comes along with your title?”
“Happy wife happy life?”
“That is not a power but it’s in the right direction.”
“The power of the ..va-jeeen?”
“No. Veto power. You have veto power.”