* sees an orange kitten on Petfinder *

“If we get that, we are going to name it Trader Meow’s Cheese Puffs. No shortening of the name. So vet records, everything. They’re going to call him by his full name. Trader Meow’s Cheese Puffs.”

“I’m really glad we didn’t get a tiny baby kitten. The dogs could break its leg or something if they tried to play with it.”
“Survival of the fittest. We can’t have weak children.”

“Are you going to Jerry Maguire it?”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s a movie.  You should watch it.  Renee Zellweger is in it.”
“Oh, isn’t Tom Cruise also in it?”
“Aren’t you proud of me that I knew that?”
“Yes.  And Cuba Gooding Jr.”
“Isn’t he also in Cool Runnings?”
“Isn’t that the movie with the huskies?”
“No… it’s about the Jamaican bobsled team..”
“There are no huskies in it??”
“….. How do you get by in life?”