* A few months ago, Sam bought a $100 remote-controlled light-up ball to entertain the cats *

“Didn’t I ask you to return this?”
“I think so.”
“And why did you not?”
“Because it’s funny.”

“Look at what a clear day it is.  This is why we should get a boat.”
“I told you we should get a kayak and you said no.”
“That’s not a boat.”
“Then what is it?”
“It is a floating vessel.”
“Well, what kind of boat do you want?  A rowboat?  Paddleboat?”
“A motorized boat!”
“Why do we need a motorized boat?”
“So we can do fun things!  Jet-skiing.  Drug trafficking.”

“There are some omnivorous clouds over there.”
“Omnivorous?”
“Omnivor..what’s the word?”
“Cumulus?”
“No. It’s om-something, where they look..”
“Ominous?”
“Yeah. I just forgot the word.”
“Do you know what an omnivore is?”
“Yes! They eat plants and stuff.”
“That’s a herbivore.”

* choosing furniture *

“Sigh.  Your taste in things.”
“Hey, I picked you.  You’re boring.”
“Yeah I am.  What are you gonna do about it?”
“Pick furniture to match.”

* picking up groceries from Target *

“I can get it.”
“No, I got it.”
“No, give it to me.”
“Don’t test me or I’ll throw your cookies to the ground.”
“I’ll stab you with my car key.”
“Good luck getting it through my vest.”

“Are you happily married?”
“Yes.”
“All the time?”
“No.”
“When are you not happily married?”
“When Dog takes a colossal shit.  I’m married, but I’m not happy.”

“How mad would you be if I brought home another kitten?”
“Very.”
“But look, it would just cuddle you and love you!”
“How mad would you be if I brought home a brand new Audi SUV?”
“Very.”
“But you’d be so comfortable when I drive you around in it!”
“This is not even on the same level.”